The Sexual Evolution

The end of the repressive New Order regime along with greater accessibility to information in the cyber-age has opened the floodgates of sexual experimentation in the past decade. While not everybody is doing it, at least they are talking about it. Maggie Tiojakin reports.

Sex is fun,” says Rahma, 21, a communications major at a leading university in Jakarta. “I don’t make a big deal out of it. It is my body, my life. I don’t care what anybody else thinks.”

Even just 10 years ago, her openness about her sex life would have been daring if not downright shocking in traditionally conservative Indonesia. Nice girls did not have sex, and if they did, they definitely did not admit it.   

According to a recent survey by the National Family Planning Board, Rahma’s opinion is shared by about 20 percent of young women and men between the ages of 21 and25. A disturbing number to some, simply a natural progression to others.

Following the downfall of the New Order regime, democracy in Indonesia has taken an unexpected, chaotic turn. Suddenly and unexpectedly free to vent once repressed thoughts, ideas and desires, Indonesian society is scrambling to deal with its newfound freedoms.

The media, artists and entertainment executives are basking in the glow of the permissiveness. A society that was sheltered from outside influences for more than 30 years is now on a quest of discovery, including in sexual matters.

That extends to pushing the sexual boundaries through premarital sex and experimentation.

“What you’re looking at now is something that can’t be helped,” says S. Natanagara, a lecturer in psychology and behavioral sciences at Padjadjaran University in Bandung. “It’s been a long time coming. The bigger question is how we deal with the issue, not why we have to deal with it.”

That is easier said than done. Social scientists and religious advocates are decrying what they consider the degradation of morals and the loss of traditional values brought by unchecked freedom.

Suddenly, sex is everywhere. No longer does discussion of sexuality have to be couched in dry, medical jargon that indicates its designated place is in the bedroom of married couples. Sex experts have become talk show regulars, lifestyle magazines have columns devoted to solving sexual problems and an onscreen kiss is now tame stuff on the big screen.

Radio stations are also hip to the new trend. Kamajaya FM, a family oriented broadcaster, includes among its weekly discussion topics penis enlargement, hymen restoration, breast implants and premature ejaculation, with an on-air Q&A segment moderated by an expert.

Literature has also lifted the covers on sexuality. In 1998, following the publication of her debut novel, Saman, Ayu Utami was hailed as a writer who dared to address previously taboo subjects – including sexual abuse and homosexuality -- in graphic terms. For some, it was even more shocking that it was a woman spouting the “dirty” talk, but she led the way for a whole generation of young women writers -- Djenar Maesa Ayu, Fira Basuki and Dewi Lestari – willing to be up front about sex.

In 2003, Galang Press published Jakarta Undercover, journalist Moammar Emka’s chronicle of the sexual smorgasbord available in the capital. The book shocked many and led to numerous talk show discussions on the crumbling moral fiber of Indonesian society.

Emka discounts the suggestion that Indonesia is in the midst of a sexual revolution similar to the U.S. in the 1960s.

“No, this is definitely not a revolution,” he says, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “What we’re going through right now is a sexual evolution. A revolution requires social awareness, acceptance.”

Still, the change to greater permissiveness is phenomenal.

Andi, 27, a manager at an IT company, didn’t lose his virginity until he was 25.

“Back in those days, losing your virginity before you finished college was … I mean, it’s cool, but a little scary. Girls didn’t like guys who slept around, you know?”

Today, the dynamics are very different.

“Sex is sex,” Andi says. “Its mystery has been revealed, and it’s beginning to lose some of its magic. Not unlike marriage. My female friends are also sexually active, and none of them is married yet.

“It’s fine. I don’t judge them, they don’t judge me.”

Asked about the one thing he never thought he would or could do sexually, Andi lets out a quiet laugh. “Having a sex buddy—no strings attached,” he whispers. “It’s something I thought only happens in the movies, Western movies. But, I assure you, it happens in real life, too.”

What about cyber-sex?

“Oh, I don’t do that stuff,” he shrugs. “It’s pathetic.”

In an era of advanced technology and mass communication, sex has become a cheap commodity that can be accessed from anywhere in the world through the Internet, cell phones and video players.

Hence, a number of scandals involving the distribution of pornographic photos of local celebrities, a House member and ordinary citizens surreptitiously caught in the act on camera.

There also are a growing number of local cyber communities offering something for everyone, from gays and lesbians to swingers, as well as the voyeurs who take a peek to satisfy their curiosity.

“Ricky” is a 40-year-old married executive who was raised in a conservative family. He is almost giddy when he talks about one of the websites that he frequently visits.

“It’s amazing,” he says, grinning broadly. “I mean, they have news, too, but most of it is about sex. It’s hard to believe some of the things people get up to.” 

So is technology to blame for the pervasiveness of porn and the effect on morals?

“We have a tendency to point to an external factor as a source of trouble,” answers university lecturer Natanagara. “It’s easy, because in doing that we don’t have to face our own demons.”

When it comes to technology, Natanagara adds, “it is just another form of expression. You can try and play anti-sexual cyber police, but I doubt that’s going to stop the flow.”

The flow, at the moment, involves a whole generation of young adults attempting to redefine the concept of sexuality. Lacking sufficient knowledge on the issue, they are like greedy children let loose inside a candy store and ignoring the horrible stomach ache that awaits them at the end of their binge.

But there are holdouts who refuse to jump on the sexual bandwagon.

Martini Surya, a 30-year-old science teacher at an international school, firmly believes in abstinence beforel marriage.

“It’s not a religious thing,” she says. “I understand desire, I have desires like everyone else. The difference is I choose to control it, instead of letting it control me.” 

As an educator, Martini believes people are like sponges that absorb the influences of their surroundings. In her case, most of her friends have never had sexual intercourse, although they have been in their fair share of romantic relationships. She says she has never felt peer pressure to experiment.

College student Rahma acknowledges that her attitudes are shocking to older Indonesians.

“OK, maybe what I’ve been doing is wrong by my parents’ standards,” she says. “But this isn’t 1975 and no one my age dances to keroncong tunes anymore. My point is that time goes on. They had their turn, now it’s mine.”

Despite the much-touted sexual “r/evolution”, some attitudes still die hard, especially when it comes to the issue of virginity for Indonesian women.

One of the more sanctimonious symbols of purity, the majority of Indonesian men still prefer and expect to marry virgin brides. Yet, according to a 2006 study, more than 50 percent of men and women in their late 20s and early 30s have had premarital sex.

This has led to a profitable business in hymen repair surgery to ensure there are no uncomfortable questions from in-laws on the wedding night.  

“Ah, hypocrisy,” laughs journalist Emka. “When you think about it, the numbers don’t add up, do they?” He grins comically. “Well, we’re just full of surprises that way.”

Currently single, Rahma says she isn’t worried about virginity. The man she eventually marries is going to accept her for who she is and what she stands for. Sexual freedom is not a bad thing, she explains, it’s the next step toward social growth.

“Is it a revolution?” Rahma says, shaking her head. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

‘SEX ISN’T PORNO ANYMORE’
Dr. Ryan Thamrin is a new name in the ranks of Indonesia’s celebrity sex therapists. The fact that his is a young and attractive face certainly has not hurt his career. The women who send questions to his magazine column sometimes address him as “Handsome Dr. Ryan,” while the celebrity website Kroscek swoons over his Hugo Boss cologne and his preference for picnicking in the mountains rather than going to nightclubs.

Dr. Ryan attended medical school at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, and went to Thailand to get his  S-2 (master’s degree) focusing on sex and health. Since he often leads question-and-answer sessions in seminars and magazines and on television, he has unique insights into what Indonesians are thinking and wondering about sex.

“Sex has been a taboo, so people viewed sex as porno; it couldn’t be reconciled with eastern culture,” he notes. “But in the last five years, slowly, we’ve become more open in a positive way about sex, so people can see it in a broad way, not as just intercourse – but also attentiveness, such as flirting, kissing, hugging, that is actually sex too. So sex isn’t porno anymore.”

Still, he says, there’s a need for sex education here. The questions he gets asked most frequently reveal that many people still lack basic information.

“Most teenagers who haven’t married yet ask how to have sex without getting pregnant,” he says. After marriage, his audience wants to know more about the mechanics of intercourse. “The most frequent is sexual function for women and men. Why doesn’t my husband last long during sex, and how can a woman attain orgasm?”

Women also complain about pain during or after sex, he adds. This is sometimes connected to menopause, but can also result from that same lack of basic information.

“Sometimes they forget to do foreplay,” he says, “The natural lubrication process of the vagina doesn’t happen, so penetration becomes a little painful.”

Even though there’s more openness about sex, Dr. Ryan says, traditional notions of gender roles still prevail: “There’s still a strong idea that, in terms of marriage, the one holding the reins is the husband. The woman just has to serve him, with no time or very little opportunity for her own right to enjoy sex .”

Women can help their own cause by speaking up, he says.

“We think our partner understands what we want. So we keep quiet about sex as if our husband already knows our desires. But he might not.”

As for men, some of them need to understand that size is not the only thing that matters. “There is still a widespread belief that a woman’s satisfaction is based on the size of Mr. Happy,” Dr. Ryan explains.  “In surveys we’ve done, a fairly large percentage of women say they’re afraid of organs that are too big,” because they can make intercourse and oral sex painful or just tiring.

Men focus on size as a source of self confidence, Dr. Ryan concludes. “But in the end, they’re disappointed.”

+ Trish Anderton

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