Things I don't Understand

At this point in life, I'm surprised fewer times than I'd like.  It's been awhile since a movie made me heave my popcorn, or a holiday spot took my breath away.

But having moments with the unexpected is important. It keeps your juices flowing, and your wits sharper than a U-turn on Jl. Sudirman.

If nothing excites, delights or ignites you anymore, then it's time to turn in the second handphone and sit back with the pirated DVD collection of Mister Bean.

I'm glad to report that Indonesia is providing me with sights and situations that keep me healthily perplexed.

You probably have your own collection of head-scratchers.  I wish someone could provide the answers to my list of 35 things I just don't understand:

1) Why there aren't more traffic accidents on Jakarta's insane city streets.

2) How mosquitoes can survive (and bite) in a freezing overly air-conditioned office.

3) Why ketchup is tomato sauce and kecap is soy sauce (although I now know our English word for the condiment is one of the few derived from Malay).

4) Why motorbike racing is allowed at 3 a.m. on the street in front of my apartment.

5) When I went back to a major department store to return a light bulb that didn't work, why the salesgirl, as she handed me a new one, put the defective one I just returned back on the shelf.

6) The low cost of getting a police officer to let you off without a ticket.

7) The high cost of getting a police officer to let you off without a ticket.

8) How often Vice President Jusuf Kalla gets his picture in the newspaper just for showing up.

9) Why there aren’t more places that deliciously celebrate local cuisine.

10) The appeal of American country-western music.

11) Why MetroMini bus drivers believe it's okay to go down the wrong side of the road heading directly toward your vehicle.

12) Why a woman would accept a dinner invitation that was obviously offered with date intentions, then ask if she can bring her boyfriend along at the last minute.

13) How women in dresses can ride motorbikes sideways.

14) Why the government isn't doing more to help the 700 homeless mudflow families in Sidoarjo living in a cramped vendor marketplace.

15) The incredible talent and poise of former child singing star Sherina Munaf, now a mature 17-year-old and on her way to big things.

16) How all the shops in Jakarta's upscale malls survive when I never see anyone buying anything in them.

17) Why my favorite office colleague routinely pours chili sauce over everything she orders, from foie gras to frog legs, without first tasting the dish.

18) Why there aren't more English-language news programs on Indonesian television networks.

19) The tremendous bargains at the Bunga Pasar flower market near Permata Hijau.

20) How Bali manages to succeed as a world-class resort destination despite the lack of memorable promotion and coordinated marketing.

21) Why there aren't more public complaints about the lack of safe and useable sidewalks in the city.

22) Why I'm charged a $1.60 fee for paying my credit card bill in person with cash.

23) Just how much the female singer Retno in the Sunday afternoon acoustic group Cojos at Plaza Indonesia sounds like Karen Carpenter in a headscarf.

24) How someone first thought of harvesting the most expensive coffee in the world, Indonesia's kopi luwak -- beans salvaged from the feces of the civet.

25) Just how normal (and wild) the nightlife is in the capital of the world's most populous Muslim country.

26) What would have to happen for everyone to attend an office meeting on time.

27) Why Tommy Soeharto doesn't make a huge donation to charity to win some valuable community goodwill.

28) Why all ATMs aren't open 24 hours.

29) Who decided that there should be 10 eggs in a carton instead of 12.

30) Why so many people here like to sing My Way and I Left My Heart in San Francisco at karaoke as they do in Japan.

31) How people can gain weight during the fasting month of Ramadhan.

32) Why anyone would want to buy a "Cinderella" trash can from a street vendor while waiting for the light to change.

33) Why the bride and groom can't enjoy more of their wedding party instead of being stuck on stage the whole time.

34) How dark and gloomy Soekarno-Hatta International Airport feels.

35) How much I enjoy life in Indonesia despite having a long list of things I just don’t understand.

Hawaii native Dalton Tanonaka is the co-anchor of Metro TV’s “Indonesia Now” program, seen on Saturday mornings at 7 a.m. and Sundays at 5:30 p.m.  He can be reached at dalton@metrotvnews.com.

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