Friendships Mark Your Time in Life

The autopsy report said Simon died of a "sudden heart attack".

Our overnight copy editor at Metro TV was an interesting character.  Born in the UK and raised in the U.S., he was a nervous type who cared about his work and his colleagues. As the only two native English speakers in our company, we both enjoyed our extended conversations on subjects ranging from baseball to Botox.

He would drop by my office for a morning chat, or cast late-night calls for a pub crawl. I miss our fleeting friendship.

When someone dies unexpectedly as Simon did in August, and much too young at 43, it always makes you stop and look at your own life and relationships.

Is my place in the world important?  Who would care if I died today?  Have I shown those I care about that I do?

Heavy questions, not for everyday consideration, but ones that need asking at certain mileposts along the path of life.

You think you can choose your friends, but it's often the case that friends choose you.  They look for honesty, trust and good nature as basic qualifications.

Sometimes a friend sneaks up on you.

Take my recent trip to Bangkok.  A visiting college buddy and I caught the red-eye for a weekend getaway, planning on navigating the floating market and enjoying the soothing cuisine and culture.

After a satisfying meal, we headed back to the hotel bar for a nightcap. As we ordered drinks, a stunning woman seated next to the cashier flashed a brief smile that I honestly took to be an example of Thailand's legendary friendliness.

A conversation ensued, followed by more than one turn on the dance floor.  She was bright, warm and beautiful.

It was the perfect start to the trip, I thought, until I was about to say goodnight.

"If you want to continue the evening, usually men pay me money," she said rather shyly.

Pow!  I felt like I had just been hit by a Chris John punch to the head.  The wake-up call to reality had come.

"Uh, no thanks, but thanks," I stammered as I mentally picked myself off the ground.

And that would've been the end of it, if not for the text message I received the next morning:

"I knew myself I'm not so nice lady anymore.  If you do not like this way, maybe you will forget me.  That's good for you.  Just want to let you know that I really like you… have a nice trip and good luck."

Now that's real.  I decided right then I would like her as a friend.

There are friendships that are lost due to distance or deed.

My New York pal Ti and I have been through the journalistic wars together, working and partying over the years in venues from Denver to Hong Kong. But following a brief, tumultous period I had away from my TV news career, Ti stopped responding to e-mail contact.  I don't know why.  He may have heard things from others.  But I've always believed a true friendship is proven during adversity.

I hope to hear from Ti again someday.

Then there are the friends you know are there for you and always will be, the bonds firm and strong even if you don’t talk for weeks or months.

We all have people like that in our lives.  In my case, one is my childhood mate Mark, a quiet but wise soul who would be the first to lend a hand or a buck.  I like people who are guided by actions, not words, and Mark is a definite no-nonsense kind of guy.

The person who asked me to make the long professional journey to Indonesia is a man I'll consider a friend for life.  Surya wanted to create a television program that delivered a truer picture abroad.  When someone believes in you to do the job, that earns lasting loyalty.

And although I admit I'm distracted by her beauty, Ming-Jun is someone I've come to depend on here in Jakarta for valuable counsel and good company with implicit trust.  I'll take a sharp mind over a warm body any day.

My point in all of this is to ponder, value and nurture the friendships you have, whether long or lost.  People appreciate that and will do the same.

Simon told someone in our newsroom not long before he passed away that he didn't want to die alone when his time came.  He didn't.

Hawaii native Dalton Tanonaka is the co-anchor of Metro TV's Indonesia Now program, seen on Saturday mornings at 7 a.m. and Sundays at 5:30 p.m.  He can be reached at dalton@metrotvnews.com.

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