Why don't I wear jilbab? It's not exactly something that people associate with me. When I told a friend I was asked to write this column, she burst out laughing and told me she thought it was a bizarre question, not something she'd ever ask me.

I must say I've never considered it, not even for a second. The closest I've come to wearing a jilbab is when I wear a shawl loosely over my head when the occasion requires, like in Aceh or at funerals.

I was born into a pious Muslim family, and as religious - bordering on fanatical - as my grandmother was, she never wore a jilbab. It simply didn't exist then, or at any rate it wasn't fashionable. Perhaps my grandmother would wear a gossamer-light shawl over her head when she was doing her Qur'anic recitals, but that was it. So I just never saw the jilbab as a religious necessity.

And I'm not religious anyway. Spiritual, yes, but wearing something on your head is hardly any indication of one's spirituality: spirituality comes from inside, not from the Busana Muslim shop. Most of all, I am not interested in religious formalism, and for me, wearing a jilbab is definitely in that category. These days, it's political, strategic, fashionable - yes, but not necessarily spiritual.

A long time ago, I had a friend - let's call her Tessa - who one day decided to start wearing the jilbab, claiming it would make her more beautiful in God's eyes. Well, I think she's in big (spiritual) trouble if this is her understanding of God. I speculated she did it because she was hard hit by her recent divorce and wearing a jilbab gave her a sense of protection and self-worth. Escapism?

Another friend - I'll name her Nani here: much older, my mother's age, religious, a haja - had the opposite view. She once told me that so far as God was concerned, even if we prayed naked in the middle of an open field, that would be OK. God, she said, measures our beauty from our souls, spirits, minds, hearts, words, actions, compassion and ability to forgive, not from how we cover our heads or bodies.

I don't wear a jilbab because it would cover up my long, thick hair, which is God's gift to me. And I don't wear a jilbab because it doesn't go with the clothes I normally wear: tight jeans, tank-tops, figure-hugging clothes or, weather permitting, strappy dresses. Of course for formal occasions I would wear a suit, evening gown, kebaya, or whatever is appropriate, just like any other woman, but at home my standard attire is shorts and T-shirt, which hardly go with a jilbab. I have however, seen women wearing very tight jeans and tops, with a jilbab. Good for them, but doesn't it defeat the purpose of wearing it, that is, modesty?

Any way you look at, I can't get past one fundamental question: how can putting a piece of cloth over your head enhance your relationship with God (the essence of spirituality), or make you a better person? If a prostitute, thief or murderer wears a jilbab, does that make them better somehow?

One of my best friends, a Muslim scholar, wears a jilbab. She says it makes her feel comfortable because it's part of her cultural background. Not mine, however. In fact, she likes the way I dress, and thinks it suits me very well. What she loves in me, she says, is my yearning for God, not what I wear.